Trauma Bonds

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WHAT IS TRAUMA BONDING?

Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.

A trauma bond is a unhealthy attachment that takes place with someone who is emotionally abusive, and it usually happens as a result of intermittent reinforcement: Something that looks like love then it’s abuse, then love, then abuse and the cycle continues to repeat itself. Your brain gets addicted to cortisol and oxytocin as well as all the other neuro chemical that are involved in the process and you begin to associate all the chaos with love which keeps you going back to the emotional person in your life. Essentially you get addicted to the hormonal roller coaster the abuser puts you through.

If you continue to go back to an abusive person understand that it’s not your fault, the trauma bond is real, and it is what causes us to have trouble making logical decisions when it comes to these emotionally abusive people.

It’s important to be able to recognize some of the most common signs of trauma bonding so you can have a better understanding of what might be happening to you or a loved one.

Here are six signs that a person is experiencing trauma bonding:

1. You’re holding hope that the narcissist is going to come back or you're holding space for the narcissist in your life. An example of holding space is putting off a big move because the narcissist wouldn’t approve and you’re holding space for that person to come back.

2. You’re still falling for the love bombing.

3. You’re making excuses for the narcissist instead of recognizing and labeling the abuse.

4. You feel energetic or spiritually tide to the person.

5. You spend a lot of time thinking about the emotionally abusive person

6. You’re subscribed to that person’s reality. You can see and recognize what it is happening is extremely unhealthy; however, you question your own reality and see what the narcissist wants you to see.

Tips to help you:

1. Reach out and talk to someone.

2. Grieve- take time to grieve the loss of the relationship and what it meant to you.

3. Write about the abuse when you feel safe enough to do so. Journal about what happened, when it started and how you felt during it. Allow yourself to vent and process what you have experienced.

4. Join a group- it’s healing and reminds us that we are not alone in our journey.

RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS OF TRAUMA BONDING

DON’T LET TRAUMA BONDING CONTROL YOUR LIFE

Traumatic bonding can have a terrible effect on not only yourself but also on other relationships you have with family and friends. By understanding what trauma bonding is, who is most at risk of doing it, and what the common signs are, you can recognize red flags and protect yourself from abusive partners and abusive people moving forward. If you think you are experiencing trauma bonding, it’s important to seek help so you can safely move forward with your life.